The day you were born…

April 10th of last year, Jared and I were outside doing yard work while Harper was playing on her swing set. I was fixing to hop on the lawnmower when my phone buzzed. I looked down and it was our assistant, Summer, through CPO. She informed me there was a pregnant girl who has recently chosen adoption and they would be profiling her that evening. Summer felt like we could be a potential match and wanted to get the “ok” from us to show our life book to her. We were given some details that I honestly think most people would run away from or say no thanks, but without hesitation I said YES! I had prayed for this call and I knew that when it would actually happen that God would be all over it taking care of us. I usually listen to music when I mow, but on this day I just prayed and prayed hard with tears in my eyes the whole time. I think Jared did the same while he was weed-eating.

Later that evening, Summer called and said the meeting went great and she “pretty much chose us”, but she wanted to meet with us in 2 days for dinner to confirm her feelings. We ended the conversation with her informing us that the gender of this baby was unknown and she was due in 2 weeks. 😳

April 12, 2016: The big day

I had spent the last 48 hours pretty much just freaking out and washing all of Harper’s baby clothes. We had dinner plans that evening with birth mom and her dad and I was getting so anxious as the hours went by. That afternoon I received a phone call from Summer informing me that dinner had been cancelled because BM had went to the doctor that morning and baby wasn’t doing too good, so they had sent her to the hospital. She suggested that we pack some bags just in case and she’ll keep us updated. A few hours later she called with an update… “She’s going in for an emergency cesarean and you guys need to get here ASAP!! Oh, and it’s a girl!”. We were so excited and anxious. My mom was at our house with Harper so we rushed to the hospital immediately. We called as many friends and family as we could in that 20 minute drive to let them know. We met Summer by the elevators on the L&D floor. She had a very concerned look. She said, “baby is here and doing good, but it’s a BOY!” SERIOUSLY. I look over and Jared is no where to be found. He had to go sit down for a minute 😂. We rushed to the nursery to stare at this perfect baby through the glass window. We met some family members in the lobby (no one prepares you for that part of the process) and we eventually got to go back to meet this beautiful girl that gave us the biggest blessing in life. It was beyond emotional and that’s all I have to say about that. A few hours later we were given temporary guardianship and we were escorted back to a room to meet our son. I honestly can’t describe all of the feelings in this moment. I was already so in love with this baby before I laid my eyes on him. When I held Hudson for the first time my body cramped and ached as if I had just given birth to him. I can’t even explain it. All of the pain and frustration from infertility immediately vanished and I was thankful for the journey we had been on. It led us to this precious baby.  God’s plan was so much greater than ours and it was amazing to watch it unfold. This boy was created for us and we were meant to be his. All his.

In the middle of the night our sweet boy was taken to the NICU to help get some nasty toxins out of his little body. He looked like a perfect, healthy baby, so it was heartbreaking to see several wires poking out of his swaddler and monitors constantly beeping. He seemed content though and never struggled. Most people don’t know that the day after he was born his BM started to weigh her options and was considering a different route other than placing him with us or parenting him. It was heartbreaking. I was scared I was going to lose this baby that I was so in love with and crazy about, but I promised myself that I would never leave his side throughout this unknown time (25 hours to be exact). I never wanted him to feel alone. I refused to miss out on his diaper changes or feeding him his first bottle. That was my job. I have never cried or prayed so much in such a short period of time. Jared was a wreck too, even when he wanted to stay strong for me. To our visitors at that time, sorry you had to see us in full hot mess form.  The next day, she kept her decision of adoption and we were back to focusing on getting this boy healthy. It was the longest 12 days in the NICU, but I am forever grateful for the doctors and especially the nurses at St. John. They took the best care of him and treated us like Mama and Dada from day 1. I watched this little boy go through things he shouldn’t have had to, but he proved to me day after day that he is the strongest human I’ve ever met. He’s a fighter and loves a good challenge.

It was a whole new beginning when we were released and got to take this precious baby boy home. Our little family was finally complete and life was and still is pretty damn good.

I could go on and on about how perfect Hudson is. He is every bit of us. He looks like us (Jared mostly), acts like us, and most importantly he loves us. I can’t imagine our lives without him. Him and his big sister are exactly what Jared and I have prayed for and always wanted.

God definitely provides.

Thank you for letting me share our journey to Hudson. We appreciate all the love and support we have received during this crazy ride. Thank you to my mom for going above and beyond to take care of Harper during our hospital stay and going to town the night he was born to buy a months worth of boy clothes 😉. Thank you to all the visitors at the hospital and the delivered Starbucks to help me stay awake. Thank you to my friends who threw us 2 beautiful baby showers. Thank you to Summer for being our angel during the darkest times of this process and staying by our side the whole way. Thank you to everyone who is apart of his life still to this day. It does not go unnoticed and he will forever know how loved he really is.

Happy 1st birthday Champ. Mama loves you forever and ever.

 

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Well here it goes… My first blog. I never pictured myself as a blogger or really wanted to put all my business out there, but it’s time.

For almost two years we have experienced secondary unexplained infertility. After numerous doctor visits, tests, a (painful) procedure, months of fertility medications and injections, and still no baby… It hurts. There’s no explanation other than timing. They keep saying it will happen when it’s suppose to. Ok. That doesn’t make it easier for anyone.. I found myself sad, angry at girls who were pregnant for the 3rd or 4th time, giving up on myself (hello extra LBs), and doubting my faith. I don’t think anyone really understood how I was feeling except for Jared and my mom.. God bless them. How can a healthy couple who already had a baby (surprisingly and easy) experience this?! It didn’t seem fair.

One day last year I woke up to learn that another month of medicine and scheduling didn’t work. Right then I threw in the towel. I cried all day long. After weeks of praying and talking to Jared, we decided to look into other options.. More fertility treatment didn’t seem realistic for us.. The money and pain with no guarantee of a baby would have ripped me to pieces. Adoption was always in our “plan” and we had figured we would pursue it in about 10 years… Until we started browsing the web. I looked into numerous agencies in Oklahoma and outside of Oklahoma. I immediately felt a connection with one right here in the Tulsa area. We knew it was time to apply when we read that you had to meet these 3 very specific requirements for your application to be approved and we met all three of them. It was a sign.

Within a month we were approved by the agency and advised to get our home study started. We waited until after the holidays so we could tell our families and save a little more money. Unfortunately, adoption is expensive and the agency we are going through is actually one of the “cheaper” ones because they are a non-profit organization.  We have had so many people pour out their love to us and i don’t think we will ever be able to thank you enough. We’ve also had others ask us why we would spend that much money or why don’t we go through the free system to “get a baby”. Those comments are a punch to the gut. After two years of no luck and a dream to have a big family, money isn’t the issue. Jared and I have done our research and prayed about it. We know this is right for us. We know it’s a big dollar amount, but the end result will be worth every dime. I’m a worrier and I’m not worried about this one bit. I just have to cook more and avoid target. I can do it.

Now, we keep saving money and praying that our home study will be complete within the next month and that a birth momma finds us as a perfect fit for her baby. Please keep the thoughts and prayers coming… You guys are amazing and I’m so grateful we aren’t alone on this journey.

Oh and if you purchase a shirt through our t-shirt fundraiser be sure to pick my design! Getting Jared in a dunk tank and having the honors of dunking him would be a check on my bucket list 😉

Until next time….